Healing and Transformation
Every symptom has a certain way of being with which it is associated. In order to release a symptom, one must release the way of being associated with it. Thus, the process of healing implies a process of transformation. Anything can be healed. One or Two Months to Live When I had terminal cancer in 1975, I had been told that I had one or two months to live, and that the end might come very suddenly, any moment, if I coughed or sneezed. I was faced with a reality in which each day was possibly my last day, each hour my last hour, and I recognized that for whatever limited time I had remaining, I wanted to be happy.
Living a compromise made no sense to me. Since each meal was possibly the last one I would ever have, I wanted to eat whatever I had an appetite for, whatever my body was asking for. It didn't make sense to me to eat food I didn't enjoy just because someone else thought it would be healthy for me. Their loving intentions were recognized, but I knew it was not my way. My path to health had to include a sense of enjoyment in all that I did, and I had to be true to myself, to be real.
I had to believe in the recovery process. Reprieve! Then, it was suggested to me that the cancer was the result of a process that had been going on in my consciousness, and that I could use my consciousness to get rid of it. My consciousness had been the effect of programming, in the same way that the results that a computer produces are the effects of the way had been programmed. I could reprogram my consciousness. I was presented with the idea that our perceptions create our reality, and I realized that I had to reprogram my consciousness to create the perception that I was well. I was not prepared for such an abrupt shift from the perception of being terminally ill, but I realized that I could much more easily create the perception that I was getting better and better, until I was indeed well. I had had the perception that I was in a state of deterioration, getting closer and closer to dying, and I knew that if I were to have as the end result the perception that I was well, I would have to change from getting worse and worse to getting better and better. I also knew that the turn-around could happen in any moment. It was a matter of turning a switch in my mind, and insisting on knowing that it had been turned. I decided that if the moment of change could be any moment, then let it be now.
The Change I felt a shift in my consciousness, and I knew then that I was in a state of improvement. I also knew the importance of maintaining the integrity of that decision, and of that moment. I knew that all of my perceptions had to reinforce the idea that I was now getting better and better. For example, I could remind myself as I ate whatever food I wanted, that it was exactly what my body needed to accelerate the healing process. Physical sensations that felt like electric shocks in my body, which before had reinforced the idea that the tumor was growing, now had to be perceived as evidence that the tumor was shrinking. My mind looked for more and more ways of knowing that the improvement was happening. I knew I had to stay away from those people who insisted on seeing me as still terminal, not from any lack of love, but just to maintain my own positive attitude toward my healing process. I had to be with people who were willing to encourage me on this seemingly impossible task I had set for myself. When I was asked how I was doing, I insisted on answering, "Better and better," and seeing how that was, in fact, true. I knew that it was vital to maintain the positive programming, and that putting myself in a relaxed state of mind and talking positively to myself for fifteen minutes, three times each day, was a part of the programming process I should in no way interfere with.
There were temptations to not do the relaxations, and then I would remind myself that my life was at stake. Any temptation, then, was something that stood between me and my life, and had to be removed, so that I could live. Holding the Perception At first, it was very difficult. I found that the integrity of the moment of change was easily compromised, by my thoughts or words acknowledging anything other than the idea that I was improving, and I had to be honest with myself, and see that, and then know that I had "blown it." Then, I could tell myself that what had happened was just a practice run, and that the real moment of change was now. It got easier and easier. I was able to maintain integrity for just hours at first, then a day, then two days, and then I was solid. I knew the program was working. I was able to recognize the doubting voice inside, and know that it did not represent truth. I was able to identify with the encouraging voice.
It became my guide, leading me back to stable health. I was more and more able to maintain the single-pointedness of knowing that positive changes were happening. When I was not feeling a symptom, I told myself that perhaps now I would never feel that symptom again. If I experienced the symptom after that, I told myself that the process was just not yet complete, and that indeed I was feeling the symptom less than I had before. I had to know that positive changes were happening now, possibly just at the threshold of notice-ability, so I could eagerly anticipate evidence to justify my perceptions. Naturally, I was always able to find something, and so assure myself that it was not something I was just imagining, but real, and more strength was added to the process. The Program During my relaxation periods, I imagined seeing the tumor which had been located in my spinal cord in the neck, and imagined that I was watching one layer of cancer cells dying, and being released, to be discarded by my body's natural elimination system. I knew that the change, perhaps not yet noticeable, was still definite. I knew that each time I released waste products from my body, the dead cancer cells were being eliminated, and I reminded myself of that each time.
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